Here they are, the finalists for the 2012 Prix Eau Faux, our contest to honor creative fragrance writing or “faux ad copy” (you can read about the contest here). Huge thanks to everyone who entered!
The judges (me, Alyssa, Angela, Christine, Jessica, Kevin, and Musette from Perfume Posse) have whittled the field of 54 entries down to 8 finalists.
In order to make this as fair as possible, I won’t post the names of the entrants until after the winner is selected, and I respectfully ask that the entrants not “campaign” for votes here or elsewhere…just let the best entry win. Votes will be taken through 10 pm (Eastern Time) Sunday, and I’ll announce the winner on Monday.
Here are the entries, presented in the order in which they were received:
La Plus Que Lente Sensuel EPONYMOUS YOU
Le Premier fragrance by acclaimed niche master M. Daniel Cez for La Plus Que Lente Sensuel. We are too happy to share for our new fragrance this spring to open up the world to new sensations of love and our bodies with the world. A Votre Sante, tout le monde, a les Nez!
EPONYMOUS YOU the smell of you and love sourced from natures skin source pheromone organic molecules and sensuous black pepper et delice green fresh poivre. The touch aroma available in spring for sun and skin in light dress in a radiant bottle by our niche artist M. Daniel Cez de La Plus Que Lente Sensuel EPONYMOUS YOU 30, 1.5, 100 and dry oil, everywhere
Rhapsody by United Airlines
Ever wanted to take the friendly skies with you? With Rhapsody, now you can get on board United even if you’re not flying. Rhapsody is the first fragrance designed to simulate the joy of flying. Featuring notes of stale cabin air, jet fuel fumes, weak generic coffee, flight attendant drugstore perfume, and the seatmate next to you in Seat 28E, Rhapsody takes you away without taking you away.
United Rhapsody is available in the SkyMall catalog and at duty-free shops in key United hub airports. A TSA-approved 1.7 oz bottle of Rhapsody starts at $59 or 5,000 MileagePlus miles. (Please note that pricing varies based on advance purchase requirements, blackout dates, and optional fees.)
Essence Precedes Existence by Parfums Verité
“Parfums Verité offers the art of perfumery as a tool for achieving self-individuation in an uncaring universe,” says company founder Antoine Meerschaum, Ph.D.
Meerschaum proudly introduces Essence Precedes Existence, a 100 ml EDT that elevates the act of fragrance application to the level of public performance art. With a retro-style bulb atomizer that doubles as a 128 decibel air horn, every blast delivers a pre-measured dose of fragrance and sound that is guaranteed to be smelled—and heard—a mile away, but all too briefly, resulting in the need for frequent reapplication. “This is a deliberate meditation on the fifteen minutes of fame experienced by every individual,” says Meerschaum, who sought to improve upon the sillage of Angel and Giorgio. “It is about the recurring need for self-assertion and self-reinvention throughout the life cycle—the cri de coeur of one who knows no taboos and who bravely repudiates the silent, odorless void that we call death.”
Essence Precedes Existence is a fruity floral with a vanilla drydown. Earplugs are included free with purchase.
Scent Spectrum The Bad Seed
Oh, how looks deceive, when what first appeared so sweet, so feminine, so light, devolves into the unexpected, the dark, and the dangerous. She curtsied in on muguet, chamomile, and just a grin of rockrose; so sweet and well behaved, and you were as charmed as that little boy on the dock, the one who trusted her. Suddenly there is a flash of aldehydes, warm woods and coriander and you see what she is capable of, but now it is simply too late; the damage has been done and you are left staring at your reflection in a pool of dank musk, mired in myrrh, with petals of saffron floating on the surface and hiding what lies beneath. Like her mother, you cry out, “Make her stop, make her stop!”
The Bad Seed.
One of one from Scent Spectrum….. where scent meets psychosis.
Where do you fall?
Fairleigh Fanged by Fairleigh Lowd
Four-time Grammy winner Fairleigh Lowd celebrated her 19th birthday with a party to launch her new signature fragrance, Fairleigh Fanged. A starkly haunting scent melody combining “the aromatic darkness of a chained iron gate and the virginal innocence of white petals,” Fairleigh Fanged was a huge hit with fans who crowded into L.A. club, De Basement, to sample FF and admire the ruby glass bottle with its faux ivory tooth dangling from the neck. Fairleigh explained her fragrance’s name as “–kind of a thing about being scared about being in love, right? ‘Cause my boyfriend Mox is kind of like a vampire and everything, but really romantic, you know?” And that bottle, vaguely reminiscent of a vial of blood? “I know, right?”
Mote
I spent an afternoon recently with Ko N., the heron-legged designer famous (perhaps infamous?) for his design philosophy of Diminishment, “NOT minimalism, which implies accomplishment; there is ALWAYS more to eliminate.” In clothing, Ko N. eschews zippers, pockets, hems and seams; now he has designed, with perfumer Heinz Horst of Berlin Technic, “a fragrance without odor.” At my suggestion that Ko. N. might have been a difficult client, Mr. Horst nodded affably, “He knew what he wanted, and that is good: no florals, no aldehydes, no aromatics of any kind. He demanded “a smell of ice, or of air, but not ALL of air–just those floating particles.” Meaning dust? “Precisely–and it was not easy, I assure you, to find the correct dust, though after testing samples from over 1500 locations, we discovered the perfect dust within our own laboratory.” The resulting fragrance, “Mote,” made me wonder aloud whether, as the bottle bears no label, its name might be mistaken for “Emote.” “You have made me ill now,” said the designer.
Marie Curie by Parfums des Chimistes
Parfums des Chimistes, a new fragrance house dedicated to the celebration of human scientific knowledge, is pleased to announce their first fragrance, Marie Curie.
Marie Curie is the perfume for the woman who exudes an intense energy that originates from deep within, penetrating those around her to the very core of their beings. This scintillating fragrance is a fusion of highly charged notes, including Electron and Sterling Silver roses, golden amber, and platinum lily. The scent is extraordinary, seeming to virtually glow with a soft but persistent light, and its beauty is exceeded only by its longevity, one drop being capable of radiating exquisitely for up to 3000 years. This rare and precious perfume is housed in a bottle modeled after the classic Erlenmeyer flask, made of quartz crystal and encased in a protective lead shield. Priced at $226.02 for 88 ml.
Soon to be released will be our first men’s fragrance, Bunsen, for the man whose passion burns with a blue-hot flame.
Saloud! by Parfums de Fotherwill
Monet painted his beloved Giverny even as his sight failed; Beethoven composed masterpieces while losing his hearing to the French malady. So it is altogether fitting that Montgomery Fotherwill, celebrated mortician to the stars, embrace his destiny as a parfumeur par excellence despite relentlessly progressive psychosomatic morgue-induced anosmia.
Parfums de Fotherwill makes its debut with Saloud!, a toast to the days of old Hollywood glamour and the zenith of the funeral parlour industry. Saloud! evokes the drama of hushed voices muffled by heavy carpeting; the electric tension between multiple ex-spouses; and, of course, incomparable maquillage, on the living as well as the lately deceased. Notes include black dahlia, pancake makeup, formaldehyde, and agar rot.
Update: the poll is now closed!
Another update: if you entered the contest but your entry did not make it to the finals, and if you would like your entry posted so others can read it, please either email me or leave a comment here…I am going to post those entries a week from Saturday, on April 28th.
71 Comments
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I’ve got stitches from laughing so much. There are seriously good and it’s hard to decide which one to choose!
Big mistake to read these at the office! These are hilarious. It was tough to choose, but I did stop snickering long enough to vote.
Love them all! and am sure that there are multiple references I’m not quite getting. Need more cultural exposure.
I’m afraid of that, too, Mals! Agree that these are wonderful!
People outdid themselves this year, really. There are some real gems that didn’t make it into the final cut.
Including some of my favorites! And so many more that had a killer line or two…
Yes, indeed!
How can I pick just one?
Hilarious! I lol’d at the das bunker reference.
darn! try to cheat by voting twice. Actually I want to vote 4 times. They’re just really good!
These are all great! I needed a giggle today and now I feel much better.
These are truly wonderful!
….but as I am a bad and competitive Italian lady I am sobbing as my perfumes from outer space didn’t make it…
Oooooh, how I suffer!!!!
Oh, I share she pain with you. Mine also wasn’t the lucky one. Sniff…
From outer space? I’ll bet you had fun! My own poor attempt didn’t go anywhere, and thanks to the wonderful workd of insurance I never got the time to try for a better one. Oh, well. Maybe next time around.
“workd of insurance?” *rolls eyes* Was supposed to be world, but workload would work too. I guess that would be workd.
Really sorry! It was very hard to choose. Anyone who wants me to post their entry in the next article on this subject (when we announce the winner) just let me know!
Robin: I think you should post all the ones that were great but didnt’ make the cut. We all need a good laugh for sure!
I think I would rather just post the ones that the author wants posted? I think I’ll let people comment and/or email to tell me after I announce the winner on Monday.
I’d love to have mine posted- I was quite proud of them, but I think you did very well choosing these semi-finalists.
I’d also love to see the others that didn’t make the cut!
My sympathy, Zazie. Maybe a Caravaggio frag next time…
Except…that’s what’s so difficult: Caravaggio fragrance? it’s been done-Google showed me-of course it has! You could still think about Judith, or Holofernes, or both?
Zazie and Lucasi – I’m also hanging my head (being a bad competitive person!) But yeah, I begrudgingly admit, these are FANTASTIC! I love the heron legged designer who is now sick! And, Fairleigh Fanged (wonderful name) as is Fairleigh Lowd. And the airline release, Rhapsody, and…
Love the idea of outer space perfume, Zazie – I hope you’ll authorize Robin to post it!
Those are really good. I already casted my blessing for one of these. But still… I feel disappointed that my perfume didn’t make it to the finals. I guess I’m not creative enough. Ah, and native english speakers will always have this advantage over me as english is not my native language. I wish people could have seen some other excellent prix eau faux like off-competition.
part of the unintentional comedy of perfume ad copy is when the meaning of the overly flowery prose gets lost in translation… so maybe the advantage of being a native english speaker is not so big!
As a native English speaker who taught English as a Second Language for a long time, I found that, yes, my students sometimes used English in ways that a native speaker wouldn’t — but the expressions were perfect all the same; they were often much more evocative, thought-provoking, and creative than something a native speaker could ever devise. So, kudos — and thank yous — to all, native or not, who write in English on this site: you are brave, smart, and funny!
I too would love to see more of the competition entries!
I could not agree more, and also w/Morgan and Poodle. I’ve always admired those who are brave enough to write in a non-native language, and many of the little quirks that come up are really charming. I was sad when my husband finally learned to ask “do you” rather than the very quaint “is it so that you”.
I’ll say with complete honesty that your English is far better than some people who speak/write it as their one and only language.
Thank you, Poodle. I hope you’ll enjoy stuff I wrote when Robin will post it.
*This* is why I love this community! You are brilliant, funny folk. Hats off to all who entered, and to these finalists. It was really difficult to pick a single entry as best. You really captured the spirit of Le Prix Eau Faux, and made me laugh. Thank you.
I’d just like to add, as a judge (I feel fancy!), that it was *very* difficult to choose just a few entries as finalists! There were many, many wonderful submissions. Thanks, everyone!
too bad we don’t get to see those other entries. I wonder what other people wrote and how would they react to what I wrote myself.
Am going to post some of them, by request…will be sure yours is included.
yes, please add there something from me
these are really clever! Bad Seed could be straight from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab — concept, copy, and notes alike.
Thank you for posting the emblem of the contest at the top. Otherwise I would have thought a few of these were real, since there are plenty of actual campaigns which are equally ridiculous.
(Check out the photo of the new Selena Gomez bottle at Huffington Post).
Who ever wrote Rhapsody, really needs to take a break from all that business travel. On the other hand, he/she has finally figured out a way to make that airline profitable.
congratulations to all finalists! I’ll have to reread all entries before casting my vote, but I really think you’re all winners
Ditto this!
They are all so funny. I love the mote/emote one. “You have made me ill now” made me laugh out loud!
Lol, same here – that last line smote me.
Great job by everyone, and many thanks for the much needed giggles to you all!
Thank you so much to all contestants!!! I had such a good time reading them all, I would invite them to a drink to show my gratitude!!
I picked one . . . but really liked them all. So creative!
I’ve been waiting for this with baited breath – now my entry did not make it.
What really makes me LIVID is that I must wait one whole long year for the next contest.
If you can post it sometime Robin, and let the viewers comment, please do. Thanks!
They were all hilarious, but I had to go with Marie Curie because I’m a radiologic technologist !
These entries are truly accomplished – and so much fun to read! Very difficult to decide on a favorite…
All of the entries were FAB! I love to laugh so all of the writers made my late afternoon. Yes, I’ve cast my ballot, but do not want to influence anyone else…
I’d love to see the other top rated entries…more please!
My vote is in! Congratulations to the finalists! It was difficult to choose THE ONE.
Although my entry didn’t make it, I enjoyed writing it and would love to have it posted.
Thanks!
These are hilarious! Such creativity! I’m going to have to try my hand at an entry next year.
SO hard to pick just one… like trying to pick just one perfume, they all offer something
These are ALL fantastic, from the crazy mixed-up language in Eponymous You, to the spot-on pop-culture silliness of Fairleigh Fanged, and every crazy thing in between!! You are all creative geniuses
Lol, I like the air horn one.
Brilliant! These are too funny. It’s really hard to pick one because they each capture a different facet of the whole wacky ad copy world of perfume.
What a difficult choice! But my vote has been cast.
Ok Robin, as you know I was too late for entry. so here goes my stuff, please include it when you publish the other non qualifying entries.
BODyRAiN by La Maison du Clean
La Maison du Clean is a fragrance house established in Tokyo, that represents the asian obsession with subtle scents. We specialize in ULTRAPURE materials and a penchant for melancholy.
Rei Kabuki, our founder, became famous for his art installations, taking long cold baths at dawn in early spring at the base of Mount Fuji, crying while listening to Coldplay in the rain.
Our debut fragrance, BODyRAiN is inspired in those chilling mornings where the air of Fuji San descends in frosty rivulets, searing the skin with the pureness of nature, stripping away the foulness of modern life and replacing it with the anomaly of sadness, which relieves us from our sins.
Top Notes: Oud Wood Middle Notes: Oud Wood Base Notes: Oud Wood
“crying while listening to Coldplay in the rain” I could go on but I just want to say, I love it!
Heh heh!
Oh hilarity! I loved every single one of these and I’d love to read the other ones who didn’t make the cut, I’m sure there are some real gems in there!
(First comment, long-time lurker)
Oh no! I can’t take it. I’ll have to vote later – I simpley can’t decide yet. They all have moments of brilliance.
Simpley?! Ahem, simply.
Well, I did it. I voted. It was an agonizing decision, but I chose the one that I felt was the most hilariously pretentious.
I really love the contest, but can’t possibly vote yet, I have three favorites and can’t choose among them!
Three votes would be perfect – but maybe toss a coin?
Once again I find myself envious of people who have the creativity and ability to write something that someone would want to read, let alone find so entertaining! All I’m good for is writing lab reports.
My vote is in. Good luck to all!
Bravo, all!
Love them all and also hope those who were not finalists will take up the offer to have theirs posted as well!
Also, I thought of the Rhapsody entry today when I read a post by blogger Mark Wilson at fastcodesign.com about a cologne created by Air Aroma for an art installation. Art Aroma explained to him how the cologne was based on the scent emitted from the box when a new MacBook is opened. “It smells like a mixture of ink, paper, foam, sticky tape, and the MacBook with a hint of glue smell. The scent is very subtle, just like when you would open the box,” and that it was composed of “various natural products such as leather, lily flower but also plastic film, cold metal, and musk.” It’s so hard to tell faux from pro!
OK, I voted, with some agony, but I want to praise every finalist for creativity and erudition. You are all so smart. So many memorable tag lines. Actual nausea, fear, and disgust, not a small accomplishment.
Robin, consider a dedicated tab for the eau faux finalists on your page for easy reference. The pieces are ephemeral, like perfume, but historic too.
NOT an entry:
Watermelancholy: Global warming awareness perfume, limited edition for Earth Day.
Al Gore’s debut scent offers an experience to feel the depravity, the drought, and then hope for a new world.
Watermelancholy comes in a bottle that is of hemp and oud. The fumes are 100% organic, 100% eco-friendly and 100% edible for consumption. It’s the smell of drought, which is represented by oud and cedar(no trees, parts of trees, or tree rights advocates were harmed or used in the making of the perfume). Depravity is delivered by iris along with a pesticide note, followed by GMO, MSG and MSNBC accords…then the hope, E85 biofuel and nitrogen gas accords, soil and aquatic notes and of course, hemp.
100% of the proceeds will fund environmental awareness groups and the Discovery Channel. First 50 bottles will be signed by Al using all natural hemp ink.
Ha!
What a hoot!! Congratulations to all who entered and especially to all of the finalist. Hard to pick just one, but I have cast my vote. May the most engaging win!
This was like hitting the buffet at the Freaker’s Ball.
Freakers’. Where’s my edit option?